Well

Well

My soul, wait in silence for God only,

For my hope is from Him.

He only is my rock and my salvation,

My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.

On God my salvation and my glory rest;

The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.

Psalm 62:5-7

I was thinking the other day about an old song, a hymn called It is well. I know what you are thinking and the answer is no, I don’t normally think about hymns. Normally my thoughts consist of the most recent sports headline, or what’s for dinner, or the why gas is costing twice as much as it did last year. Anyways, I was thinking about it, and wondering is it well? How am I really? Am I at peace? Is it well with my soul? I think this is a question that a lot of us ask. It comes in different forms, like do I have peace, or am I happy? It normally does not end there either. Even if we do not ask this question outright, we pursue the things that try to make us “well.” People pursue God, money, fame, sex, success, family, drugs, education, adventure, friendship, television, food, and the list goes on and on. However, I wasn’t thinking about this question for other people, I was thinking about it for me.

I had a time that I was brutally honest with myself. I think that we like to see ourselves in a good light, and quite honestly, do a disservice to ourselves by thinking we are better than we really are. I mean I could tell you that I grew up in a good home, with loving parents. I have had only one speeding ticket, and other than that have no other qualms with the law. I work with kids and I go to church. Those things are not bad, in fact, others would consider that I am doing just fine and have nothing to be ashamed of. That with a little effort I can be anyone I want to be. From the immediate perspective, they’d almost be right. But, if we are being honest… and I mean really honest, then my state is not that good. Actually, it is really bad. How do I mean? Well since you asked I will tell you…

I can be incredibly insecure. I try to find ways to validate myself. Often times, I use sports, and if I can’t win against adults, then I play the kids that I work for even though I am supposed to be there for their benefit. I think that its cool or that I have done something when I dunk on a 9 year old or block their shot with fierceness while yelling. Yes, some of it is a joke when I block them and they laugh, but other times, well lets just say I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it. I am scared of rejection. From friends, from girls, even from those who have loved me all my life, and there is truly no reason to be. I long for attention, I long for a good position at my job, I long for a pat on the back every time I say something I think is funny. I am un controllable need to be understood. Are you understanding now? . I am selfish. I still take my laundry to my parent’s house sometimes for my mom to do it. I said sometimes. I want people to do what I want to do and play what I want them to play. I whine when I don’t get my way. I cannot stand when people take my food. I want the praise owed to me. I fight against my constant need to be entertained and satisfied now. I want the lane afforded to me on the road. I am a glutton. I eat to prove what I can eat. I get it and satisfy myself instantly. My god is my stomach. I judge people who don’t eat, think, or act like me. I feel like I’m smarter, better, holier and better put together than most of the people who I meet. This comes from both my pride and insecurity. Explain that! I am an adulterer. If you talk to PETA then I am a murderer. I have stolen, lied and cheated. I have fought, slandered, gossiped, held prejudice, adulterated, hated, rebelled, self- fulfilled, and am a glutton. I am completely vile, depraved and evil. I deserve nothing but hell. It is not well with my soul…

Here I feel utterly helpless, without joy, hope, or love. Here it is low, it is the pit. Here is the truth about me. Just me. It doesn’t matter who I am or where I came from, the fact is that is who I am. Here I feel unlovable, unredeemable, lost, and rejected. Dead.

It is only by grace it does not end here…

There is a greater truth about me… and at the same time as nothing to do with who I am or what I have done. I have only given you half of the picture of my life. Call it deceitful, I told you I am that already. Call it suspenseful, or even good writing, or bad if you wish… but what I gave you was only about me. However, there is another who has placed a redemption upon me and as given me a different identity.

The state of myself that I described is similar to all other people. We are not perfect and our souls are at unrest. However, I know of a greater truth, one about me that has been given to me by another. God has seen my soul’s unrest and that I am evil. God saw this problem and entered into history to live and be everything that I could not, perfect. He came to offer himself for my imperfections. He offered Himself up for my gluttony, insecurity, and adulterations. He came as the man Jesus, and lived a life that I could not live, and then died a death that I should have died. Why? Because there is something that He finds valuable in loving me, in loving man. He saw that it was worth it to lay aside heaven, and come to earth, and experience hell on it. He thought it worth it to be rejected, slaughtered and killed. He thought it worth it to take what I deserve for my evil and place it on Himself. To state it clearly: though I deserve death and hell, Jesus came so that I can have life in Him and what He has done. Not only was he perfect, blameless, without sin. He then by his death and resurrection conquered it and passed it on to me. I am here with you not in the bondage and hell that I deserve, but in the life that has been graciously given to me by Christ. In this great exchange I get Christ’s righteousness, blamelessness, and perfection. My old truth dies and the truth about Christ becomes my identity. I get His identity. I become heir with Him and inherit, well I get Christ. You ask me, is that it? I say that is all I need. He is life. He has given me peace and freedom from the man that I am. His truth is greater than my truth. It is because of Him that I get rest. It is because of what He has done that I can have peace beyond any circumstance I find myself in. It is because of Him my heart sings: Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul. It is well, It is well with my soul.