Last Friday the Catholic Church celebrated the Solemnity of the Annunciation of the Lord (or Feast of the Annunciation). For those non-Catholics among us (I assume that's all but me) that aren't quite up to speed on their Catholic feast days, I will explain. This is the day where the Church celebrates the announcement made by the the angel Gabriel to a young Jewish girl in Nazareth that she would become pregnant with the Word, that the Holy Spirit would come upon her to conceive, that the long-awaited Messiah was finally coming, that God of the universe would take on our flesh. Pretty big deal in the course of history.
Why last Friday? Because its March 25th. Think ahead 9 months...what's the date? December 25th. Christmas. The Incarnation. (Yes, of course Jesus was the perfect pregnancy lasting exactly 9 months, or so the Church celebrates).
As with all feast days involving Mary or any other saint, none are about the people themselves, rather they point to God. Yes, Mary's "yes" was a big deal and her faithfulness a model for us to follow. But the bigger reason the Church celebrates this day is that its the moment when Love decided to come to earth, to live in our shoes, to humble himself for our sake. It also points to the amazing reality that God used humanity in his plan of salvation; that he uses me and you in the plan of salvation for others. Unreal. I'm always humbled by that.
All that aside, my wife and I have been through some trying times over the last year plus. Long story short, having been married 4.5 years and desiring a family, we've been unable to conceive. God put a passion for adoption on our hearts through this period. Then last fall a God-orchestrated opportunity came about and we pursued and adopted our son, only to have him taken back by the birth mother after about a week.
It was obviously a difficult experience, and we've learned and healed a bit since then. You always ask the "why me" question in the midst of suffering. Where was God and his plan and his love in that moment? The answer is not that God doesn't love me, but that he loves everyone. For our faithfulness in times of suffering give others strength, it bears witness. And God's plan is not to give us our desires, but for our salvation, that's his ultimate goal.
Then last night the Holy Spirit gave me another word. In saying goodbye to our son (Josiah) before we gave him back to his birth mother, we prayed over him and I baptized him (we can talk apologetics in another post). And last night it hit me that in some weird way, God affirmed my wife and I through the experience by saying, "I wanted you to be parents to Josiah even if you'd have to give him away, because I know you will lean on each other and me in tough times, and I trust your faithfulness." But it was never about us being parents to our son. It was about God using the week that we had with Josiah to culminate in baptizing him, so that he could be GOD'S SON.
God used us, not for Josiah to be our son, but for him to be God's son, for he is baptized into God's family now. That doesn't mean he's assured salvation, but no matter which way his birth mother goes, which way his family goes, Josiah is under the grace of God.
We are spiritual parents to him now. It was never about us and our desires, but God using us to particpate in his plan of salvation. How humbling! That God would use us in our humanity to help others know the Divine. The Annunciation of the Lord lived out. That is what God desires for us, for everyone...salvation.
To realize that hard as the experience was, God would use us as parents for just one week, not to fulfill our desire for family, but to adopt Josiah into HIS family...the whole thought of it...just blows me away. Praise God!
We are never called to match our intellectual ability to God's divine plan. And that means we may never understand how he works, but praise God that his plans are so much bigger than we could ever imagine.
Matt H. I appreciate the word of truth you spoke to me in my post and hope I can do the same.
ReplyDeleteYour quote "we are never called to match our intellectual ability to God's divine plan" is fundamental truth, and where I consider faith to play its most important role.
There is only one thing that I'm trying to wrap my head around that you postulate in this post as well as in the reply to my own: That man's free will can redefine and redirect God's will.
Perhaps I'm reading it incorrectly, however, it would seem that with your experience with Josiah, you are saying you were prevented from being his parents through the will of the birth mother. LIkewise, that my wife and I were prevented from adopting thus far due to man's/government's will defying what God had planned for us.
I disagree with this mostly because I believe that God, being all powerful and all knowing, satisfies His true will despite/through Man's free will. He knows what decisions will be made prior to them being made. He allowed Job to be tested, he allowed people's hearts to harden, and he said that even if mankind chose not to worship Him the rocks would cry out for His glory. I believe "God's gonna get His".
That being said, I also fully believe it was God's will for you to be Josiah's parents for a week. In that week you learned things about yourselves, your son, God, trust, faith, loss, and a host of other things. You changed that boy's life for the better, and hopefully the birth mother will share his first week of life's experience with him if you're not able to in the future.
I'm not trying to say "God did this to you", nor am I trying to say that "the birth mother did this to you". I just think that God's will won't match up to our intellectual abilities, and as such, what the divine purpose may have been for you to have suffered such a loss.... well... it may be hidden for now.
I also believe that, with my adoption, it must have been God's will that the trips were cancelled, I just seek what that might mean. I've resolved myself to the following answer: "God has called us to adopt, that has not changed. God will bring us our son in His time, that has not changed. God allowed us to proceed in His will, knowing we will have failure and set backs, and ultimately it will bring Him glory because of it. Due to our unusual story, we are building quite a testimony and can help others going through similar things in the future."
I hope that makes sense and its taken in the loving way I am meaning it.
Great post Matt, and equally great response Reid. This is exactly the type of thing this blog was created for.
ReplyDeleteIn response to both of you, I think we need to make sure we define "God's will" in the same way. I’ll let each of you discuss how you intended to use the phrase, but having said that I think there are there are two major (and different) ways to look at a phrase like “God’s will” and how we should possibly differentiate that from “God’s plan.”
1. God’s way, desire in a certain situation, preference – I think that when looking through scripture there is little doubt that God prefers us to be obedient, to love, to honor our parents, to respect authority, etc. I think that it also makes sense that in certain situations he prefers one outcome over another. God’s way is that we not murder, so we know God did not prefer/want/desire Moses to murder the Egyptian. However, as Matt H. stated, God did give His people the free will to decide to trust in God’s way, or to choose not to. This however leads us to…
2. God’s omnipotence, power, control, authority – It is also evident when looking through scripture that God is all powerful, in control and has all authority in heaven and on earth (i.e. Ps. 115:3; Jer. 32:17; Dan 7:14; Prov. 21:1). Though it was God’s way/desire that Moses not murder the Egyptian, God’s control/power/authority over the situation was not temporarily impotent. Was it God’s way/desire? No. Was God still in control of the situation and thus allowed it to happen as it did? Yes.
So how does this all relate to God’s plan for our lives and His-(s)tory? Let’s be honest, who knows? But what we do know is that “all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28) and we trust in that.
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It is also important to note that there will be some doctrinal differences in Catholic and Protestant theology and history, that's great! Our goal is not to soften up all of the rough spots, but let those differences help us experience God in new and more profound ways.
Ninja, thanks for the comments. All taken in good spirit, no worries. I'll attempt to add some clarity to my posts.
ReplyDeleteI think we're on the same page, I just need to better define "will" in the different scenarios.
I've actually just begun to reconsider, in the last couple days, that God's will may not have been for Josiah to be part of our family as he grows up. But maybe that God only intended us to play a week's worth of role in his life. Because again, ultimately God desires our salvation and Josiah's salvation, not to give us what we think his desire for us is (in this case, family). God knows best.
This is where I would distinguish between God's little will (daily Spirit whispers and pushes) vs. his big will (big picture vision/plan). Of course, God works outside of time, so its probably not worth trying to understand this anyway.
So in our case...yes, Josiah's birth mother freely decided to place her son or keep him. God knew that decision beforehand, but that doesn't mean she didn't have the free will to choose. She could have just as easily chosen to follow (what I previously thought was God's will) and kept him with us, and God would have known that too and could have used either decision in his big picture plan.
We certainly have the free will to choose God or against him every day, and our decisions absolutely have consequences. Nevermind if God knows ahead of time or not. He gave us the gift of free will so that our love for him would not be from automatic God-loving robots, but from love that is true, that gives of itself freely.
Our sin still has consequences, but people choose to do evil every day. God never desires for evil to happen. For example, in my area there is an abundance of military. A church in the area had a group of its navy seals die in the middle east last year. God never desired them to die, men's evil actions of violence are never part of God's small will, but he can redeem those actions in his big picture plan.
In Mary's case, God knew beforehand how Jesus would come into the world, but that doesn't negate Mary's free decision to accept this role.
OT Israel badly wanted a king, going against God's will (little will), and He gave them a king. This may have gone against God's little will, but in his big picture plan, he redeemed it and through the line of king David brought the True King into the world.
I guess what I'm saying is I agree that God's big picture plan for both of us was that this was not our time. But freely made decisions outside of ours helped shape that. No denying there. God did not force them to choose against our adoption plans. They chose, and whether they were God's will or not, he will find a way to redeem choices to fit into his big picture plan for us (and maybe one day future adoptions for both of us!).
I think maybe its just looking at "God's will" on the micro and macro scales, from those two different perspectives. Its all hard to understand, but I find comfort in that I don't understand how the universe works and God does, because if little me did, I think we'd all be in trouble.
Not sure if any of this rambling made sense. But I really appreciate your comments.
Matt A., just saw your comment after I published mine. Agree, I think its a matter of distinguishing the two "wills."
ReplyDeleteJosiah's birth mother may have chosen to keep him against God's way (and possible HS promptings in her), but He definitely still has control and authority over the situation as a whole.
God never desired Moses to kill, but that led to Moses' fleeing to the desert and spending 40 years there in preparation for his bigger ministry...leading Israel out of slavery, through the baptismal waters of the Red Sea, eventually to the promised land, and in between being handed God's Law.
Like Matt A said, difficult for our little minds to understand when we look at God's story and salvation history.
"It was obviously a difficult experience, and we've learned and healed a bit since then. You always ask the "why me" question in the midst of suffering. Where was God and his plan and his love in that moment? The answer is not that God doesn't love me, but that he loves everyone. For our faithfulness in times of suffering give others strength, it bears witness. And God's plan is not to give us our desires, but for our salvation, that's his ultimate goal. "
ReplyDeleteI loved that paragraph dude, you're on point with that. What you and your wife went through must have been terribly painful, but you're so right in saying that it's not about you. The reality of life is that God is more interested in having your heart than He is in your being a father. That's a difficult thing to come to terms with. I really admire how you not only handled this situation, but learned so much from it and in turn are teaching others through your example. Keep after Him brother. I will definitely be praying for you and Kim.